Things about Motherhood Everybody forgot to tell you.

There are things about motherhood that for some reason are neglected to be shared with new moms. Everyone tells you how tired you'll be with a newborn, how bad the diaper can stink and how to get spaghetti off of the ceiling but there are some things for some reason are kept more secret than the launch codes for nuclear weapons. I'm going to debunk a few.

1. Kids will tear up everything in your home at one time or another. It doesn't matter that you tell Johnny not to pull on the blind cord 250 times, he will try it again and on the 251st time force you to replace a blind - however they will no longer make that blind anymore and you will be forced to replace all the blinds in the room so they will match. CHA CHING

2. Kids will argue even when you are agreeing with them. Don't ask me why they just will.

3. You will utter the phrase "Because I said So" way more often than you ever thought possible even though you swore before children you would never say that.

4. There will be days when it is 10 pm and you realize that you never brushed your teeth today.

5. Sex is something that happens on Grey's Anatomy. Not only will you not have time, you will be too tired and adding to the fact that you haven't washed your hair in two days or brushed your teeth in 48 hours doesn't make your inner sex kitten purr.

6. Even when you are lucky enough to land a babysitter for an evening out with your honey it turns out to be more work than it's worth because the house must be cleaned and all PJ's, toothbrushes, meals, snacks etc must be labeled and exposed for babysitter. The house cleaning part is because you don't want that teenage babysitter who is an acquaintance's daughter to go home and tell her mother just how bad your house is.

7. You are no longer allowed to be sick. Sorry can't happen, even with confirmed case of the swine flu you must get the kids up and going - if your lucky you might can sneak a little nap in when the youngest lies down but never depend on it because that will be the day your outstanding napper decides "Not Today Buster"

8. When your kids are under the age of 5 I defy you to go two hours without saying the words, "poot" "poop" "pottie" or "pee pee" for three hours.

9. There will be Legos under EVERY piece of furniture in your home. I am not exaggerating, even massive pieces that have a solid bottom will have legos under them. In addition your vacuum cleaner will have lots of legos in it.

10. Family members and in-laws will search furiously for the most obnoxious and many pieced toy in the store for birthdays and holidays. The louder or more pieces the better, and of course your stuck with it once it's opened at the birthday party or Christmas, no taking back the monster truck that plays "We Will Rock You" at ear splitting decibels once it's been opened on Christmas eve. The other side of the coin is that the family member will purchase gifts that are totally out of the age range of your child. Ride on toys for an infant that cannot sit up yet or a nerf gun that when fully assembled is taller than the child.

11. Little boys will shoot guns, even if they are not given guns they will shoot sticks or their fingers, it's genetic.

12 Boys will pee all over your bathroom. When you give birth to a male child - or bring one home - just remove all rugs and fuzzy things from the toilet area. It's also not a wise idea to put bead board around the toilet area.

13. Motherhood is lonely, there will be times when you wonder what the hell did I get myself into? You will long for the days of going out with friends and wandering home at 3 am and not worry that the kid will wake you in 4 hours. Your non-mom friends will not get that you are on duty 24 / 7 and your mom friends will be on duty 24 / 7. Even making a phone call becomes a challenge because my children see me on the phone as a challenge to see just how loud they can get.

Does it get better? I don't know. Some days I think, this is a breeze, I could handle five more kids. Other days I checking to see how many frequent flier miles I've accumulated and wondering how long Sonny Boy can sustain himself and Igor. I suppose it pays off in the end in 20 or 30 years when you have grandkids, then you can have all the fun of kids with none of the responsibility.