Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Why do I expect different?

I've hit a wall of absolute frustration lately with Mom.   Forgive the horrible writing, as my thoughts are even more scattered than usual today.  The last few days Mom has been even more difficult to deal with, more resistant to doing her PT excercises, been in pajamas more than she hasn't, barely eats a meal but goes after junk food like she's starving 10 minutes after a meal, and done even less than usual.  Mom is sneaking out smoking after she thinks we are in bed and not taking her iron pills for some unknown reason.

Hubby declared the other day he's going to start calling her "Moss" because all she does is sit and take up nutrients without even blowing in the wind.

I can't begin to explain the frustration of having her sit on her ass all day.  It's not that she's not helping with the house stuff, I've done that for years pretty much alone so it doesn't phase me.  What drives me nuts is everytime I go to take a break there she sits, in MY chair, with MY blanket, watching some banal TV show I would never even turn on.  If she's not watching TV she's reading without regard to the fact I'd like to sit without the lamp on in the middle of the day.  Her bedroom is as trashed as the kid's room, it only lacks Legos on the floor.

Last Friday I got up and showered, I called down to her that I would help her get in the tub ( she does need help with the bad shoulder) when I got my hair done.  I finish my hair, etc and come down and say "your turn"  , she wants to finish her coffee which she nurses for half an hour, then she wants to finish her damn TV show.   By this point I've done half a dozen other chores and it's 11:30.  By now I loose my temper and just grab my keys and purse and leave.  I leave for all afternoon, I go eat a hamburger, I go get a massage, I read magazines in the library until it's time to pick the kids up from school.  I go get the boys, bring them home, sort thru the backpacks, do homework, suit up Sonny Boy in football gear and take them to football practice.  Hubby gets home from work and we dump the kids with her and go out and eat, rent a movie and watch it in our bedroom.  I pretty much avoided her all weekend, as I was trying to follow Hubby's advice of just ignoring the crazy.  Am I to be run out of my own home because she's freakin' nuts?

Crazy is what it is.  I realize she's mentally ill.  Tomorrow she sees a shrink and hope a barrel full of anti-depressants is prescribed.  Since she's been here though the doctor has adjusted her meds twice and I can't see any difference in her daily behavior.  I think she has sunk her self so far down in this deep hole she can no longer find her way out or hear what anybody has to say to help her get out.  I've travelled this road before with my grandmother, throw in some Old Charter and we could call it "history repeating it's self".  I'm so tired of beating my head against the wall.  There is a quote somewhere that "Insanity it repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results".  Right now I don't know if I'm the insane one, or if she is.

Anybody got advice, answers, prayers?


2 comments:

Mom to Mine said...

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to let you know I'm sorry and I hope the Dr. can help her AND you. Well.. maybe I do have advice. Is there a Senior center around? My grandmother LOVES her senior center. Sometimes they will even pick people up front their house.

Winnie said...

There is a senior center, and I've BEGGED her go hang out, even offered to go with her cause I can play cards with the old ladies too! No luck. I'll manage or start drinking heavily - too bad it makes me sick.