Have you ever wondered?

Today I am wondering just what goes on at the pearly gates. You see, today my father died. I can't say I'm in terrible shock, my aunt had told me at the first of the year that he was ill and would likely not live much longer. There was not a relationship between us. When I was 12 he basically walked out of my life and never gave me another thought. When I learned of his illness I extended the olive branch, but he never accepted, did not try to contact me when I made it clear I was open to contact from him.

My father hurt many people in his life, four wives, two sisters, a brother, his mother, two children and two step-children and many friends and acquaintances. I've always thought that there must be some sort of mental illness that drove the man to make promises he couldn't keep, lie, steal and alienate people around him all the while seeming like the most genial fellow in the world. Possibly it was a lack of moral character, but is that not a mental illness in it's self?

I have often said in my madder, meaner moments I hope he dies a lonely and painful death. He did. His wife would not even take care of him in the end putting him in a nursing home and not visiting. Why, I don't know I never met her. I do know there is such bad blood she will not hold a funeral for him and is simply giving the ashes to my aunts to do with as they wish. My aunt said they will likely hold a memorial when they can finalize some details.

Strangely I feel saddest for my half sister. She was about 1 year old when he walked out of her life. She has no memories of him though she kept his name until her recent marriage. Luckily her mother remarried and her step-father became her father and that is who she calls dad.

So today I wonder what's happening at the pearly gates......

please do not leave comments that profess your religious beliefs, I know the Christian doctrines but I must believe that he was judged by his life on earth, not some last minute conversion on his deathbed. Thank you.