Ephemera of the Mind

With the weekends mercifully unscheduled I have been able to sleep in and it's glorious.  I don't get much done during the day, but I don't really care.  Several hours on uninterrupted sleep is wonderful when it takes me FOREVER to shut down my spinning brain and actually fall asleep.

Hubby has taken the boys off to church this morning.  Due to my propensity to sleep as late as physically possible I'm not going to rush out the door.  I suppose I should really go but honestly I've gotten a bad vibe from the church we attend lately.  When we started there it was a smallish non-denominational church, very simple but comfortable.  Now it seems as they are getting grand plans, services are live streamed on the internet, they have a coffee bar where they sell lattes and it just seems commercial.  A couple of weeks ago we attended services at fairly large church here in town because Sonny Boy was receiving a religious award for scouts through that church.  I enjoyed it.   The service was more traditional, and certainly had some aspects I wasn't used to ( Lutheran - I was raised Southern Baptist).  I think I want to attend church there a few more times and discuss changing.  The Lutheran church has a very active youth program that many friends of Sonny Boy attend, they have many different groups and activities and a more traditional Sunday school program that I think would benefit the boys.  I am leery of the fact that it of course belongs to a bigger governing body which in principle I don't care for.  I suppose I must research.

I received word that my aunt passed away yesterday in her sleep at 90 years old.  Her last meal was a cheeseburger and onion rings.  It's sad because that was the last of my father's siblings.  ( Crazy age difference in the family - my grandmother was 45 when my father was born)  I don't know if I will go down to Arkansas for the funeral.  I would like to, but what a nightmare in logistics and expense.  When my other aunt passed away I was sitting in the hospital with Mom and broken shoulder so attending that funeral wasn't even an option, though I was much closer to that aunt.  My aunt's grandchildren are scattered all over the country so gathering them may take a few days.  I'll have to see what the funeral arrangements are and decide from there.

Cabin fever is driving the boys nuts - and therefore driving us nuts as well.  It doesn't help that Sonny Boy is mobility impaired and frankly needs some good, honest exercise to get the energy out.  I can certainly tell when he hasn't had a sport to attend in a long time.  I'm disappointed we didn't get to see more of a wrestling season out of him as he started off with a bang.  The doctor said he should be fine for football season in the fall but that is a long way away.  Sonny Boy wants to try a spring sport, but honestly without a background in soccer or baseball he'll sit the bench a lot because they are out for blood here by 10 years old.  Our town has fielded championship Little League teams the last few years and it's taken way too seriously.    Maybe once the leg is healed enough I'll see about attending the little private wrestling school.  The club's coach sends his boys there in the off season and they are competitive on a national level - I don't want to go there.

Soon we'll start violin lessons for Igor.  Hubby is concerned the skinny, bespectacled, odd kid is going to draw a lot flack for also playing a violin.  I say he'll just fit in with all the other orchestra nerds and it won't matter.  Igor is pretty limited for sports and he really needs his own "thing".  I think he'll catch on pretty quickly as he has a good ear for music and isn't near as rhythmically challenged as Sonny Boy.

Brag time on the boys a bit.  Results from a couple of different standardized tests came in this week.  Sonny Boy performed extremely well - totally acing the social studies section of one test - coming close on the science and performing well above average for reading and math.  Honestly the kid is wicked smart,  I sometimes wonder if I'm not doing him a disservice by not pushing him harder academically, his daily classes are a no brainer for him.  Igor had decent results too.  Pretty much middle of the board or slightly above average.  He has to work a little harder for his grades but they are good.  I know most parents don't rave about their child being "average" academically, but honestly IQ was my biggest fear when adopting Igor.  I knew I could handle physical disabilities, but intellectual disabilities were a fear factor. 

Everything else is about the same.  We are discussing Mom moving back to her house at the end of the week, we want to see what the doctor's say on Thursday.  That will be a relief, though I imagine I'll be over there a bit doing for her.  Maybe I'll see about maid service for her... or me.

 

Ever notice?

Have you ever noticed you can be dead dog tired, nodding off in front of the TV or your book, get ready for bed and BINGO you're wide awake?  Well that's me tonight.  The lights go off and my brain comes on.

Mom made it home from the hospital on the 31 st.  It's been wild ever since.  The living room looks like an old age home with all the walkers parked about.  I collectively refer to them as "the cripples" or "the invalids".  Yeah, yeah, I know not politically correct but holey crap if you can't laugh at this ridiculous situation there isn't much of an option.

I am very frustrated with Mom.  I took her to our local doctor last week and the doctor tore into her because she refused to let the heart doctor admit her!  The Cardiologist was trying to admit her long before the falling out episode that broke her pelvis but she refused.  Granted she still would have had the heart problems and likely stents, but at least she would have been on her feet.  I came very close to walking out and leaving her sitting in the doctor's office.  Mom is also refusing to follow doctor's orders about some urinary catheterization she is supposed to do.  When she was in the hospital she was taught how and when she came home the first time she tried it it worked.  After that it has been downhill.  I couldn't get her to do it all and finally after the visiting nurse, and MD got after her and she had two nights of wetting the bed she decided on trying it again, this time with two separate attempts that were failures.  The visiting nurse came on Monday morning and I had her walk mom thru the process again and this time I watched ( way more closely than I would have liked) so I could do it if needed. Well, that night I was needed.  Way more personal than you ever want to be with your mother.  Today I couldn't even get her to try, and frankly I'm tired of pushing it.  Physical therapy is coming tomorrow with a list of exercises she should start on.  I'm pretty sure that will be the same battle.  Heck she hasn't been dressed in at least 4 days, and I practically have to drag her to bathtub.  I'm really at a loss.  I feel like I am fighting an uphill losing battle with her at every turn.  I really don't know what to do.  I'm at the point where I'm ready to throw in towel I just don't know where to throw it.

I think what's really ticking  me off is that right now I can see no other option but to quit my job.  Not just to care for Mom, though that is part of it.  I took this job ( the change in position) with the understanding that she would be around to watch the kids in the afternoon - she agreed to this.  However it's become apparent that she's not making the most rational decisions and I'm not sure I trust her watching the boys.  I can't simply go back to my old position as it's been filled.  I'm really worried as to my work reputation in our small town if I quit.  Work has been great, but I fear that it won't be taken kindly if I quit two or three months trained into my current position.  Yes, I could simply hire a sitter but it would honestly cost me more to work than I would make, not making it a financially sound decision.  I Am Thankful we are not reliant on the income from my job, but it's a small town and people talk and someday I might like to work more seriously.  (edited) I'm still mulling this hard.

Coming back to the post three days later...

Sonny Boy is healing well.  Bored for the most part and watches WAY too much TV but it's not like I can tell him to go outside and play.  Every now and then I'll make him read a book or something.  He will go back to the doctor next week and will likely be sent to physical therapy.  That will be loads of fun, nothing like one more medical appointment to attend.

In an odd way, even though Hubby and I are slammed with stuff to do at home it's been calmer.  I guess anything is calmer than two family members in different hospitals an hour drive away at the same time.  Weekends which normally this time of year would have been spent at wrestling tournaments are quiet and consist of chores and hanging out.  My time off during the week has basically been booked for Mom's medical stuff as we have waves of therapists and home health care coming in during the week, not to mention numerous doctor appointments to go to.

I went to the doctor myself after my indigestion visit to the ER.  My doctor put me on some different meds and is weaning me off another med.  Yay, nothing like feeling like crap and not sure if it's new medicine or withdrawal from old medicine.  Frankly I don't expect to feel physically good for several weeks as I wean slowly off a medicine I've been taking for a long time.  Yeah, it appears a not so great doc put me on the medicine and frankly lied to me that "there is no problem" with me being on it long term.  Let's not mention the fact that it's physically addicting and random folks on the internet describe the withdrawal as worse than heroin.  After this bout I'm googling stuff I'm not familiar with.  Makes me feel like a dupe as I consider myself pretty savvy about stuff.

Igor went to the heart doctor today - heart doctor on Valentine's day funny huh?  All is good there, and he is pleased to report that the heart doctor said he cold play golf.  Yi, Yi, Yi, maybe if he was the heart doctor's kid and she could pay the green fees and lessons.  I'm not even gonna touch on the fact that there is no way he could see the hole flag a quarter mile off and never see where his ball landed.

Otherwise, life is moving along.  Normal stresses, normal life.  Stopped up kitchen sink, a mess in the oven that smoked up the house.  Never - ending snow to shovel.  Never - ending laundry to wash.  Life.

I'm finally gonna post this a week after I started it.  I've had a variety of crazy computer glitches.  The post got saved but once the computer dies I take that as my cue to quit.