Good Grief Charlie Brown

I don't even know where to start, so I'll just dive in.  I'm pretty sure if the kids were not in school and the camper were not in winter storage I would pack it up and disappear for a week or so until Hubby gets back from France.  If things get worse in the next week my in-laws may get a surprise visit.

Today Sonny Boy had a football game in about 30 minutes away.  Last night I declare what time we were leaving and that EVERYBODY (mainly meaning Mom) was going to go.  Alarms go off, I get kids up and fed, Mom up and coffee going.  Mom gets a cup of joe down and I proclaim she should hit the shower first as all her dressing stuff is in her room and she generally takes longer to get dressed than I do.  " I don't think I'm going, it's too cold"  I show her the forecast and current temp and wind speed - nobody can proclaim bad weather.  "I just don't want to go" this from the person who has spent not one but TWO entire days in her bathrobe this week.  I read her the riot act and then go get in the shower.  While in the shower I get even madder and I am determined her ass is going.  I come downstairs with a wet head, a robe and quite literally push her to the stairs to go get a shower.  She relents and goes up the stairs and gets dressed with me pushing her along because by this time we are running a bit late and I have Sonny Boy, a teammate of his, and Igor running through the house like a bunch of revved up dynamos.

We get to the ball field and the boys play a quite miserable game.  I honestly don't feel the other team was better, but if I hadn't known better I'd have guessed our kids had laid out all night drinking and were hung over this morning.   The coaches were more than a little disgusted and told the boys so, they were not mean about it, simply stated the fact not one kid played even close to their best game.  Sonny Boy wandered over to where Mom and I were packing up the chairs and he was hand dog and telling us the team was out of the play-offs.  I shrugged and told him "well that happens" having long ago determined I wasn't going to critique his sports attempts.  Mom perks up and starts telling him "Well ya'll played like a bunch of little girls dancing around out there"  "MOM, just HUSH" and she promptly shut-up.  To top that as we were walking out one of Sonny Boy's team-mates was being chewed on by his Grandma and she was saying "If you weren't gonna play football you should have come over here and sat in my lap and then at least you'd been doing something!"  Geez Louise, these are 9 yo boys, not grown men in the NFL!  Yes it's disappointing to go to a game and know your kid is consistently missing his blocks, and makes some bone-headed moves, but good grief.  I hope Mom got a decent picture of how unrealistic her reaction was because as soon as we got into the van Sonny Boy broke down into tears. 

Mom has been mad at me all afternoon and I really don't care.  I frankly told her how the cow eats the corn this morning and I was sick of her "woe is me"  attitude and her total lack of even trying to combat the depression.  Mom's doctor called and has her set up to see a shrink about the end of the month, mainly the doctor wants a better picture in order to fill out the paperwork for her disability.   The regular doctor added another anti-depressant to her present one and she's been on it roughly a week, hopefully we'll start to see some results soon, if not maybe the shrink we'll have a better idea of a med combination that can bring her back to the land of living.

My logical mind says "this is an illness, she can't help it"  but even so why is it so hard to do the things you know will make you better?  Mom is logical enough to see that getting dressed, going out and about running errands, going to the library, meeting people, getting some exercise will help at least to a degree with the depression but she doesn't do it.  It's like only taking half of the dose of medicine the doctor prescribes. 

I'm so tired of being everything to everyone right now.  On again/ off again single parent (not Hubby's fault just a fact of life) Maid, laundress, cook, secretary, bookkeeper, chauffeur, coach, teacher, mental health evaluator, life coach, football coach, referee ,nurse, medical researcher and gardener.  I know everybody dons a few of these hats at once every now and then but right now my head is heavy and my neck is about to go out.  When do I get a break?  1:00 am now and the kid's feet will hit the floor by 7:00 and it will be game on again.  When do I get a break, a vacation, a day in PJ's, a day to feel sorry for my self and do nothing?  When will somebody else take care of Halloween costumes, permission slips, and reading logs?  I'm now doomed to try to remember 5 people's medical histories when nobody can rember I'm allergic to sulfa drugs but me. 

Good Grief Charlie Brown, being a grown up sucks.