A foot in two (or more) worlds

My children are polar opposites. Those two boys certainly give credo to the nature in nature vs nurture theories. I know children with the same biological parents are often opposites, but it certainly seems pronounced in our family.

One foot -Sonny Boy - is firmly planted in a gifted world. I know every parent thinks their child is the brightest star in the sky, but I honestly believe if we measure his IQ we would be hitting some pretty remarkable numbers. If he doesn't screw up his life by doing something stupid, a fear that is easily dreamed with his ADHD I can see a very bright future from him if he applies himself. This foot swim in the sea common to every parent, love, worry, and exasperation on occasion. Generally this foot treads water on auto-pilot.

The other foot - Igor - is firmly planted in a world of worry. While I do believe Igor is of at least average intelligence I do worry about his future. How will he manage in a world that caters to the 20/20 vision crowd? School will cater to vision needs but what happens in college or the working world? How will he manage in a world that is so dependent on being able to drive? Is Igor doomed to live in a city with at least bus services so he can travel about independently? Will he be able to live a small town life if that is what he chooses? I mourn the opportunities that he is denied. This foot swims in a sea of information, a sea of making sure Igor sees the best doctors, has the best educational interventions. A sea of fear that a wrong decision made now will severely impact life in the future. Sometimes this foot relaxes a bit a treads water smoothly and it's easy to forget the dangers that lurk beneath it, other times it watches Shark Week and goes into panic mode.

I don't suppose Mom moving in has helped the stress. Honestly she is much like having a slightly mentally delayed teenager in the house. Daily I stress she must dress, and I drill sergeant her through a regime of exercises (that even she admits have improved her strength and coordination) Just getting her up and moving has all the appeal of going to the dentist. I will be the first person to say I am far from being as physically fit as I should be, but I can walk around the block. I honestly don't know how she is going to manage learning a new job if she lands one. Learning to efficiently navigate the internet, the names of the main drags through our little town, and the pronunciation of the Milwaukee suburbs have proved almost impossible for her. I really don't know where this leg is swimming yet and I suppose that proves the most stressful. I'm not quite sure how to handle her. If I treat her in a manner to make sure she does what she should and the like I run the risk of angering her, and increase my workload by at least 3/4 of a child. If I let her pull her own mistakes she has no success and mopes on the couch in a depression that worsens (she is already on anti-depressants) and all self esteem drops to rock bottom. There are so many aspects to this issue I can't even begin to go into them all here. I suppose I need your thoughts and prayers to help me get through this with grace.