I'm a bad mother...

Maybe it's because I am completly burned out from dealing with the mountains of paperwork from the adoption, maybe it's because Igor is the second child, maybe it's because I'm intimidated by all the scrap booking stuff at the craft store but I haven't even began a babybook of any sort for Igor. I know, I know, he should have the all important Life Book that somehow becomes the bible for adopted children, I know I should order one of those adopted baby books from somewhere on the internet, but I just can't bring myself to start dragging all of that stuff out again. I'm even bad about taking pictures!

Speaking of dragging stuff out, all of Igor's paperwork is now officially over once I get him a social security card, which I plan to do next week. A couple of weeks ago we had our re-adoption hearing here and gained the all important stateside birth certificate, though it's not a real birth certificate, it's called something odd and looks a little odd, but it will suffice in all situations where a birth certificate is called for in life, and I will only need to call the state in order to get new copies in case anything happens to these instead of wrangling Ukrainian paperpushers in some po-dunk town. Anyhow with the completion of this last little bit of paper wrangling I plan on emptying my accordian file that has never been too far from me for the last 18 months or so, shred, or file as needed and put the stuff away. Finally that red file will be hidden unless I can talk Hubby into going into this crazy adoption thing again for a girl. Needless to say he's balking like a donkey on a steep trail.

With the onset of cool weather Sonny Boy's extreme hyperness has driven me to the brink of insanity. Currently we are having him tested for ADHD (which I've always suspected) and the pychologist agrees that he's definitely hyper, though we haven't determined a full diagnosis yet. We will most likely start him on meds to see if it will settle him down to some extent. Funny how my thinking changes when faced with this problem. A few years ago I simply would have said that "those parents just need to give that kid a swift kick in the pants" however after delivering so many swift kicks, time-outs, etc I'm at my wits end on how to communicate with this child. I feel as though I am constantly on his case and I don't like it anymore than he does. Looking back the signs have always been there, and when I compare Sonny Boy behavior to Igor's behavior at the same age it's apparent that either Igor is way too mellow or Sonny Boy found a stash of crack hidden in the floorboards from the previous owners of the house.

Since the holidays are fast approaching I'm torn. We plan on being at home this Christmas, the first in a long while (we are usually at family's) so I'd really like to do a big thing with this being Igor's first real Christmas. However I'm a realist and realize that he won't really remember anything and we shouldn't really spend all the money and have the hassle of a huge meal etc when it will just likely be the four of us. I guess we'll see what crops up and if any holiday orphans appear at our table.

Well I've written now, it's late and the little ones will be up early as usual.

YOU are the BOSS!! Tips for the traveler

After reading some recent blogs of people in Ukraine and noting the experiences of others while we were in country I want to give a few tips to people who are traveling or about to travel.

1. Remember YOU hired these people to help you. While your facilitator may know the ropes and strings to pull to get your documents done they are not in control of your pocketbook. If a flight to your region is too expensive make them investigate other options, if a hotel or apartment is too expensive tell them no, find you somewhere cheaper. If your dragged into a restaurant and the prices in grivna look like a phone number, tell them you want to eat cheaper. While many of the expenses of this "adventure" are uncontrollable things such as these are and if your budget is tight can ad up.

2. Keep all cash and your passport with you at all times. Wear a money belt and pull out your daily needs for your purse or pocket when you dress in the morning. I never felt threatened that I had all that cash on my body but I didn't leave it anywhere either. I soon adjusted to having the money belt on and didn't think of it anymore. Take all unnecessary items out of your wallet or purse. You will not need your library card in Ukraine, that way if something happens at least your not replacing all of that stuff too. Men should keep their wallets in an inside coat pocket or front pants pocket, women make sure purse is zipped at all times and do not carry a purse w/o a zipper, also keep purse in front of you when in crowded places same goes for backpacks etc.

3. Try not to stick out like a sore thumb. When in public speak quietly. Don't wear white tennis shoes unless your under 25. If your a championship high heel walker buy some stiletto boots, if not, take very non-descript dark colored shoes. Do not wear expensive jewelry. If your wedding ring has stones in it at all leave it at home, wear a plain band or nothing. Jeans are OK to wear and are very practical as most of the time you can wear them several times before washing. Dark jeans are more common than faded washed out jeans. Walk quickly, everyone walks fast, no one strolls. Do not sit on concrete or stone walls. If it's even close to being cool weather wear a coat. Don't ask me why, everyone wears a coat even in pretty mild weather. Dress in layers, inside tends to be overheated and you will want to be able to get to lighter clothes.

4. Pack very lightly. Cars are little and there isn't much room for luggage, same goes for train compartments. If I was to do it again I would carry no more than a rolling carry on per person and a backpack. You should be able to find most anything you really have to have while there though the brands may be different etc. Consider it urban camping, you'll make do. There's no need to carry laundry soap etc it exist there. The only thing I really recommend taking is a length of twine in order to make your own laundry line if needed and a travel size bottle of fabreeze to freshen clothes and things since everyone there smokes. While every other list you find says ziplocks by the dozens, they are handy but you can manage w/o them. Save the space for reading material, DVD's, or a board game or deck of cards.

5. Remember most things in Ukraine are negotiable. Hotels, apartments, anything in the open markets, your "expediting" fees, taxi cabs, even train tickets if your facilitator schmoozes enough. I think the biggest tip for negotiating is to send your facilitator in and do not disclose you are foreign, just stand there quietly or stay outside. Again, you are the boss and he/she should work for the best price for you.

Our facilitator was very up front with us about our options, therefore I know there are other ways to do things while there. From reading others blogs I get the distinct impression that many are told we will buy a plane ticket to region, we will eat at this restaurant, we will stay in this apartment and not given options and many do not stress their wants and needs due to stress, language barrier and culture shock. For those people please stress your wants, needs, and the fact that you can't or won't afford XYZ and you want other options.

Remember YOU are the boss. Nothing can happen w/o your pocketbook paying for it.

A Halloween Scare!

Last Tuesday I braved downtown Chicago traffic to deliver the donation boxes to MEEST to ship to Artemovsk. That was quite a trip! I'm not used to the heavy traffic, big city and I really had never driven to downtown before but I made it in spite of having both kids in the back seat and Sonny Boy poking at Igor every other mile and making him emit a blood curdling scream. Ha!

The MEEST office is in the heart of a Chicago neighborhood called Ukrainian Village. Most everyone I spoke with had a Russian accent or spoke entirely Russian or Ukrainian. Sonny Boy was amazed that the people spoke Russian. I think he thought I had driven him to Ukraine in an hour and a half. While in the neighborhood I stopped at a Ukrainian deli to look for some of Hubby's favorite Ukrainian beer. When I asked the man stocking the beer case he only spoke Russian or Ukrainian, thankfully a young woman there offered to translate and I was informed that we would not likely find his beer here as it's a relatively new beer not being sold in the states. The girl that translated for us said she couldn't wait to look for it on her next trip as she was traveling in a couple of months. Just a guess but she must be first generation American as she spoke fluent Russian and her English was completely un-accented. There was also some sort of Ukrainian museum there and several orthodox churches and a Ukrainian Catholic School. Made me wish that we lived a little closer in order to expose Igor to more of his culture. However it's not terribly far so when he gets older we can go to the museum and such.

The Toy Drive was a huge success. I ended up shipping 158 lbs of stuff to the orphanage. Thank you to everyone who donated. If you didn't donate, start saving your pennies as I will do it again sometime in the future but not real soon. Here are pictures of most of the items that were shipped. After I packed them there was still room in a box so a few more things went as well.

So if you happen to end up in the Artemovsk Baby Home keep an eye out for these items and let me know you saw them. It would be a relief to know that they gave the toys to the kids and didn't just sell them at the open market or take them home to the workers children.

Our town trick or treats the weekend before Halloween on Sunday afternoon. Not very spooky doing it in the afternoon hours but safer I suppose. Everyone got into the holiday spirit this year, even hubby who donned his old costume from a party a few years ago to take the kids trick or treating. I stayed home and handed out treats. We had only half the number of trick or treaters that we usually have so now we have lots of candy left over not to mention the loot Sonny Boy gathered.

Sonny Boy had a difficult time in the robot costume and it came home several times before they really got going for revisions, however it got rave reviews from others. Hubby even said several people stopped their cars and honked and gave a thumbs up. It was a simple costume to make, however this is probably the last year he could have worn it as he wouldn't have been able to get is arms and legs into the dryer vent hose. My own costume, well we are not sure exactly what it is. Hubby bought the mumu thing at Salvation Army to play a trick on his homophobic co-worker a few years ago. He never actually played the trick so it's been stuck in a bin for a while and I figured since Hubby was going to actually dress up I would too so I stuck it on and found the loudest headband. We decided I was either a gypsy or a hippie. What do you think?

Home Six Months Today!!

Just a little over seven months ago we met our son for the first time. Though he I didn't give birth in the traditional since the labor was intensive ( can you say two dossiers?) the prep was expensive ($10 to ad a stamp??) and I endured a year full of more stress than Forrest Gump taking an Algebra exam. But you know what he FINALLY came home!

This picture was taken just a few days after meeting him. A child who was just beginning to walk, a child who was not saying anything understandable to anyone ( not even Russian speakers) and that the eyes we thought were merely crossed were almost blind.

This picture was taken today. Today Igor can walk almost as good as the average two year old, he doesn't stumble much. Climb like a mountain goat, say several words in English though he still hangs on to his Russian "Da". Today Igor can see fairly well thanks to the unbreakable toddler glasses on his face. Today Igor has now had all the immunizations that are reccomended by CDC, in the right order, in containers that we know were not expired.

Today Igor is 5 lbs heavier and 2 inches taller than he was 6 months ago. While that's not the quite the most astounding growth rate you've ever heard in the world of international adoptions, it's not bad considering that the child we met in the orphanage who would eat anything, turned into the kid with eating issues who barely chews and each meal can take anywhere from 30 min to an hour. Igor is now sitting on the height chart very well and edging almost to the 10% line for his weight.

If you've stumbled over my blog while researching adoption or just toying with the idea, know that not only will the child win by becoming part of your family, but you will win by seeing how a child can blossom and grow. If there is an inkling in your heart to raise a child there are ways to adopt if that is what you want, and while it is a long, expensive and stressful process the end will eventually appear.

Hey! this kid isn't all perfect

I've noticed in the last few post I've raved about how Igor is adjusting so well etc. Well I can honestly say we are starting to hit the terrible twos. I think many of the tantrums stem from a lack of language skills as in many two year olds, however Igor lags far behind most home-grown kids his age so it's even more difficult. As a rule the tantrums are over normal things and end fairly quickly but occasionally a doozy will pop up and he'll rage for 20 min or more. I'll simply sit down with him and hold him till it passes but I'm sure anyone walking by (the sidewalk is very close to the house) might think I'm killing him. I've taken to the tactic of placing words in his mouth for him and he can now say " I'M MAD!!" quite clearly. I hope he starts screaming that instead of the general yelling he usally does.

Last week my mother visited, it was her birthday and Igor's was a couple of weeks ago so we held up Igor's so they could celebrate together. Mom doesn't get to see many of the milestones of the kids so it worked out pretty good. It didn't take long for Igor to figure out the present opening thing and he really liked getting new toys. Cake was not such a big hit though, I had read gobs about the famous Ukrainian sweet tooth but I guess he didn't inherit it.

Yes his glasses are usually that smeary all the time. We clean them constantly but little fingers tend to be greasy!

Sonny Boy was just as excited about all the new toys, you would have thought it was his birthday! Probably the biggest hit of the toy parade though was a ball popper, both kids have played with it tons and it is funny with the ping pong balls flying around all over.

The last couple of days have been spent purchasing toys and making an inventory list of the orphanage donation drive I instituted. I've had a generous response from many people that I never expected to. At this point I expect to send two large boxes of toys (many new) clothes (many of those new as well, thanks to one generous donation from a fellow FRUA-ite) and a nice supply of baby lotions, shampoo etc. There has even been enough donation to pay for much of the freight which I expected to pay for myself. I'm thankful for that, as I didn't expect so much stuff to ship! The boxes are quickly taking over a corner of my bedroom. I simply hope that once the stuff arrives at the baby house it's allocated to the kids and doesn't end up at the open market instead. I have heard from others that the director there is honest so I can only hope that the kids actually get the stuff.

For anyone who doesn't know me I'm a voracious reader and generally read a couple of books a week on average. I can't say I read anything of substance usually, as I read for pleasure and who really wants to read a history of the Roman empire ( unless you need to fall asleep) However I came across a book in the non-fiction section of the library no less, that is pretty remarkable. Until I fell into the world of eastern European adoption I never paid heed to any politics there, however now they certainly catch my attention. The book THE ANGEL OF GROZNY -Orphans of a Forgotten War by Asne Seierstad caught my attention. The book is very eye opening with regards to the atrocities that occured during the conflict in Chechnya that occured in the mid 90's and then again around 2000. The "Angel" in the book is a lady who quite by chance ended up taking in numerous orphans of the war though it doesn't focus solely on her. It really made me think about how Russia behaves and their current saber rattling in regards to Georgia and makes me fear for Ukraine more than before. I'm not a foreign policy expert by any means but when a presidential candidate ( John McCain) brings up the threat of Russia to Ukraine during a presidential debate you can bet it's very real. This book brought to life that while the Soviet Union we all grew up to loath may be dead, it's leaders still are not and their tactics of torture and kidknapping are very much alive and well. I'm not nieve, I know that Ukraine is not going to win a prize for government morality, however I WANT to believe that they are a young country that will eventually work out the kinks, whereas Russia tends to be backsliding to their Soviet Union days.

Well, it's getting late and it appears that I've rambled enough as I can't come up with a topic for a new paragraph. Aren't you proud of me for getting new pictures up though? Hopefully a new post to follow soon as Igor's six month anniversary home is on the 15th.

Just a little project..

If anyone is still reading this I suppose I should put a little update here. I'm heading up a toy drive for the baby house that Igor lived in. I've had quite a good response from people already so I'm expecting quite a load of stuff to ship. If your interested let me know either by leaving a comment or e-mailing me if you have the address.

Igor is still doing really good, he's an amazing little kid. The food issues are quietly resolving theirselves which I'm very thankful for. I was getting very frustrated with his eating, however he now seems to be getting the hang of chewing and swallowing. His speech therapist was very impressed with his progress this last visit so we have changed his therapy from every two weeks to once a month. We could have discontinued but I have a feeling it will be one step forward, one step back for a while and would like to have the backup. He's also really starting to eat amounts that are more consistent for his size and age as well. I think we are up to 26 lbs now - I'm not sure our bathroom scale stinks - ( I have promised to buy a new one next trip to wal-mart) and I'm sure we've grown and inch or two as well since clothes that fit the first of the summer are now too little. An outfit I bought for fall will not even fit him- he never even wore it! That will teach me to buy ahead for this guy. Luckily I've hung on to all the clothes for Sonny Boy and only have to buy a few things according to weather - like snow pants, Sonny Boy didn't have snow pants in a small size and possibly boots so I won't be spending a fortune on a new wardrobe every three months.

Igor's birthday was Thursday. We didn't celebrate or open his presents yet as my mother is coming to visit in a couple of weeks, it will be her birthday then as well and we can have one birthday party for both. I know we should had a special day for him as it was his first birthday home, but our family is not a big birthday celbration kind of group. Cards for the grown-ups and the kids get a few toys and a cake. We'll do birthday parties every year or two, those things get expensive fast.

Fall made an early appearance this year and arrived the Tues after labor day, it has warmed up since but that first cool snap made us really realize that summer is over. Soon the raking of the lawn will start. Ugh! nothing like having over 20 mature maples in your yard come fall, makes you want to run amok with a chain saw! The cool snap and an Oriental Trading Co catalog set Sonny Boy to thinking of Halloween costumes. He has decided to be a robot. I think I've got a cheap idea with dryer vent hose, cardboard boxes and silver spray paint. Poor little Igor has no say, he's donning Sonny Boy's old lion costume that's been hanging in the basement for a few years now.

That's the scoop here.

MOM!!!! MOM!!!! MOM!!!!

This is what I woke up to the other morning. It's a wonderful feeling to know Igor is getting more and more comfortable and doesn't wake up screaming bloody murder and scaring us out our skin anymore. The downside of this is he now stands beside me all day and yells " MOM MOM MOM" for no apparent reason other than that he can now call me by a name. I do wish it would vary to Mama or Mommy occasionally though, he picked up the Mom thing from Sonny Boy I'm sure. He's also saying a handful of other words as well. Not too shabby for a kid who wasn't even speaking his native tongue four months ago. I knew there was a bright light in there somewhere.

Honestly I have to say I've been impressed by how easily he's fit into our family. I know we may just be having a honeymoon, however I don't think a kid this young can do that. Truely the only issue that has arisen is his eating problems which we are addressing through speech therapy. The issues are truly frustrating and I feel I spend huge amounts of time in front of the high chair exagerating my chewing motions and gulping to get food to go down. I also have a little rubber brush we rub around in his mouth when we want to make him really pissed off!

Sonny Boy told me the other day he wanted me to go back to Ukraine and get him a little sister. After a little more conversation it turned out he simply wanted to go stay at his aunt's house for an extended period of time. Nothing like three boy cousins, a new jungle gym and sandbox, a lake at the back door and a playroom that resembles Toys R Us to make home boring and dull.

Summer is drawing to a close of course and next week we go for open house at Sonny Boy's pre-school. It will be old hat as he has the same teacher as last year. Sonny Boy is now admitting that he's disappointed not to be attending kindergarten this year, however I still think we made the right decision holding him back.

Well it appears I'm having some computer problems so I better cut this short. I'm going to try for a picture-- or not.

A new feature

Just playing around and thought a spiffy slide show of our trip to Ukraine would jazz up the blog a bit. Of course these are only a fraction of the pictures taken on the trip but I thought it a pretty good snapshot of the sights.

Strangely I'm missing all the stress associated with getting ready and worrying about the trip. I know that's bizarre but it's been the forefront of my life for the last year. It seems I always need some huge event to stress over or I'm not content.

Now my sleepless nights are filled with worry of what will happen if something happens to Hubby or the kids and all the bizarre thoughts of terror that you'll loose someone you love.

I suppose I need to find some sort of hobby. I did sell one of Sonny Boy's toys on Ebay the other day. I was thrilled, it's the first thing I sold on Ebay. I bought the thing a couple of years ago when he was in a huge Calliou phase, lately it's just been beating around the toy box so I dug out all the pieces and listed it. The thing sold for DOUBLE what I paid for it! I keep wondering what else might I list, and should I start haunting yard sales for treasures.

Well that's about it, we leave for our marathon road trip tomorrow and I'm sure that's going to be an adventure. I plan on taking sound protecting earmuffs to dampen out the racket from the back of the van. The library also lends MP3 books and players so I may stick those ear plugs in under the headphones as well. We'll drive at night and hope the kids sleep but you know how the saying goes.

winnie

Birthdays and Baby Stuff

Well we have survived the "Birthday Season" again this year. Sonny Boy and Hubby's birthday's are only a week apart so we end up with WAY too much cake. Sonny Boy opted for cupcakes for his birthday so quite a few went to work with Hubby so that thankfully cleared out room for a cake a week later. Both birthdays were quiet affairs. Sonny Boy had cupcakes and opened a few presents, Hubby opened his one present and had cake. Sonny Boy did manage to wrangle his dad into a trip to Chuck E. Cheese though, luckily I got to miss all that fun and went to the mall with Igor.

Baby Stuff you ask? Well since Igor is not technically an infant I decided to empty the basement of our little baby stuff. While in the process of this I asked Hubby's co-worker who is a pack rat to the extreme if he wanted to put things in. Well he did, about 10 boxes of little girl clothes sizes newborn to 6! I had a yard sale about 2 weeks ago and very little actually sold, most likely because things were not organized very well and it was difficult to dig through all of those clothes. I've been digging through them in the meantime and carried the nicer winter things to a local children's consignment store and hoarding all the clothes hangers I can get my hands on to hang the rest. Next Saturday I plan on dragging all the stuff back out to the yard and hope more sells. If it doesn't I'm just going to take all of it to the local charity. I would normally just dump it at the charity, however for doing this for the pack rat I get half so I'm being a little greedy. I'm also picking out stuff for my niece and things that I think my be worth shipping to the baby house when I get a package together for them. So I'm getting first pick on the stuff, not that I have much use for newborn dresses but it makes me want a little girl in a bad way.

All in all things are going very well here. Igor still amazes me with his ability to fit right in. The temper tantrums are slowing down he seems very content. His head banging has seemed to stop entirely. He is still very clingy to me, more so than Sonny Boy every was but he's getting better, and I'm now able to set him in crib for a few minutes while I go pottie or change clothes without it sounding like I'm killing him. Bedtime has gotten easier as well and he will often let us walk out of the room while he's still awake and he'll babble and play himself to sleep. He's a resislant little guy. I may be speaking too soon yet but so far so good.

I can honestly say we are into a boring routine now for out lives but it's good. The true test will soon come when we travel to northern MN in a couple of weeks to let Igor meet the family. It's sure to be a production as he has 4 first cousins, a couple of Grandmas ( though one grandma came to Ukraine to bring him home) Aunts, Uncles and whole range of people to meet and greet not to mention an 10 hour car ride and new sleeping surrounding so I'm sure we'll get a glimpse of not so happy Igor occasionally.

Well not much news to pass on, it's finally quiet here for the day so I'm going to lie on the couch and try to talk Hubby into changing channels from Extreme Cage Fighting.

I can't think of a good title

Last weekend a friend gave us the use of his cabin in the UP of MI ( thanks Mr & Mrs S) the weather Sat was nice but in typical midwestern fashion we were sporting sweatshirts and shorts on Sunday and it was too cold to be on the lake so we went to a nearby nature preserve and went on an easy hike. The hike was near two beautiful clear lakes and we saw tons of wild life, 3 deer, piliated woodpeckers, loons and we got very close to a beaver that was lumbering around on shore. Strangely there were few people in the preserve so I suppose it was luck to see all the animals.

Tomorrow is my oldest's birthday. Sonny Boy will be five years old. My how time flies! I can't believe it's been that long, it seems yesterday I was drugged up and being handed my new baby boy. Sonny Boy is excited for his birthday as all kids are, however we are not doing anything fantastic. We opted out a party this year (yeah) so we just open his gifts and eat cake and probably do something extra fun over the weekend.

Igor is doing well and I believe still gaining weight. I'm anxious to get him on a good scale to see what it says. He is finally starting to eat normal amounts of food at a setting, though he still has some trouble with texture. I do see he's making progress, I think it's going to be a while though before he's eating age appropriately.

I've been taking both boys to the pool most days now as it tends to expend some of Sonny Boy's neverending energy. Sonny Boy swimming is very close now, I'm hoping lots of time in the pool he will catch on soon. Igor just today figured out that the pool is fun, previously he just wanted to circle it and fall down and skin his knees up.

I've finally started to adjust to the household craziness. There are days where I'm ready to start drinking margaritas at noon, however things are settling into a routine now. The thing that drives me the most insane is that getting housework done is near impossible. Igor takes way too short of nap and by the time I get him down at bedtime I'm too tired to care if the kitchen floor is mopped or we have clean clothes. Doing anything while he's up is near impossible as he's a climber and explorer first rate. Leaving the room means your lible to come back to disaster and doing something as simple as folding a load of clothes while he wanders around can take twice as long as it should since he's exploring and unfolding as you go.

Not much new here to report, I just thought I'd give those of you that are still visiting something to read.